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Cheap at half the priceA Roman Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were good friends and often met for a drink. On one such occasion the Rabbi said that he had always been intrigued by the Catholic ritual of confession and would like to learn more about it. The Priest said “I tell what…come down to the church tomorrow morning and you can sit at the back of the box and watch what goes on. There is adequate room and no-one will be able to see you”. So they met as arranged and awaited the arrival of the first sinner who was Mrs O’Reilly. “Bless me Father” she said “for I have sinned”. |
“And what was your sin my child”. “I have been unfaithful to my husband Father”. “How many times Mrs O’Reilly?” “Three times Father”. “Well you must say three Hail Mary’s and put £5 in the offertory box. Go and sin no more!” Off she went soon to be followed by Mrs O’Flynn who confessed to adultery. “How many times did you stray?” asked the Priest. “Three Father” she replied “Well you must say three Hail Mary’s and put £5 in the offertory box. Go and sin no more!” “You see” said the Priest to his friend “it is perfectly simple. I am quite sure you could do it-why don’t you take the next one?” “Ooh! I’d love to” said the Rabbi and they changed places. After a short interval Mary O’Shaughnessy slunk in and blurted out “Bless me Father for I have sinned.” “And what was your sin my child?” asked the Rabbi. “I have had carnal relations with my boy-friend, Father”. “How may times my child?” “Twice Father”. “Well go and do it again. We are giving three for a fiver this week!” Reg Hurd
AlexOne Sunday morning, the priest noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names and small flags were mounted on either side of them. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Priest walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.” “Good morning Father,” replied the boy, still focused on the plaque. “Father, what is this? “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’s voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, “Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?” Ed
A Very Clever Woman
Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately
we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.” The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle... My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The woman replies, “No, I think I’ll just wait for the police...” Ed |
A
woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It’s a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither
of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
“So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman.